January 3, 2009

Hit! and miss...

So no new tattoo. I didn't have to money plus they wanted to charge me more because of where I wanted to get the tat (my hands). It's all good. Today my church is taking me and my family out to eat! OH YEAH! We're to Bo Lings: the best Chinese food! I still don't know what I'm going to get to eat yet. They have this dish called "Tofu Family Style" that rocks but the are famous for their "General Tso's Chicken" which is one of my favorite Chinese dishes.

It hasn't hit me yet that 2008 in done and gone and here we are in 2009. That may be because I haven't had to go back to work yet. I've thinking a lot lately (a dangerous past time I know) about 2008. My mind seems to be flooded with thoughts of what I didn't do or things that went terribly wrong. One thing that really bothers me is last year I said, "This year (2008) I want to record (professionally) my music." And I wasn't able to do that. Also my back has been bothering me like crazy lately and it really sucks. I hurt so bad all day long and when I lay down at night to sleep I feel like I've been doing manual labor for 14 hours even though that's obviously not the case. This past holiday season was brutal for me, though Christmas eve and day was actually a lot of fun. Joy and I miscarried in November and it ripped me to the core of my very being. I struggled with everything. I just wanted to be left only yet at the same time I wanted to know that there were people with me in all of this. I really started to struggle with who I was. I couldn't do my job anymore and I felt like God was a million miles from me. I felt like this was punishment from God. I felt so much guilt, day after day. It was a really hard time and its one of the reasons I'm glad 2008 is gone and done.

I don't really make "new-year resolutions" but I do try to think about some goals I'd like to do (can't tell you the difference). I've done this off and on for many years but this year I haven't been able to. If I think of anything that I really want to do I may or may not post it... well its time for me to get going....

Pierced Pastor


Sunshine. said...

Man, you have me craving some good Chinese now. I'm stuck with tuna helper tonight ):
Too bad you couldn't get your tattoo yet, I can't wait to see it when you do!

Joy said...


What? Two posts in a week?! I'm impressed!!! Keep it up.

Anyway, I'm right here alongside you, babe. God isn't punishing anyone. *HUGS*